I take my first sip of strong, sweet tea for the morning. The first sip always caresses my soul in a way that the rest of the cup can’t quite replicate. I curl up in my favorite spot on the couch as the cat and I compete for space. As usual, the cat wins. As I sip and take a deep breath, the sound of the cat’s purr dances in my ears as I take this moment to be present and create joy. I glance at the clock and see I have 15 minutes before I need to log in to work. This moment of peace is a far cry from my life five minutes ago…
My husband and I juggle the kids to get them out the door to school. Shoes. Jackets. Backpacks. Pounce on the 7 year old while spraying water in her hair to try and tame her wild tresses. Masks. Snacks. Water bottles. The kids are finally ready, both sitting on the living room floor engaged with the toys their Grammy gave them this weekend. I stand at the door watching for the bus, chatting with my husband about what plans we have for the day. As we are bantering, he is puttering around the kitchen making my tea like he does every morning. I smell coffee as he brews himself a cup of pour-over coffee. He loves the intent and slower pace of brewing this way. “BUS!” I yell out to my son as I watch the middle school bus bounce down our street. He comes running, only stopping long enough for a quick kiss on the head. “I love you, have a good day!” I cry out just loud enough for him to hear, but not so loud that the kids on the bus will hear. As I am watching the taillights of his bus, the elementary bus makes its appearance. “BUS!” I exclaim for the second time. My daughter comes running to the front door with the excitement for school unique to a first grader. She gets a giant hug and a kiss. “I love you, have a great day!” I wave at her friends as she scurries to the bus. Shortly after the kids leave, my husband leaves for work, and I am alone to start my day... I snap back to the present, glance at the clock again and note that it’s now time to start my work day. I wander to my office and plop into my chair, ready to see what the day will hold. Love Muffin the cat–my best little coworker– jumps in my lap to help. I enjoy my work, and the morning passes in blissful quiet. Lunch time arrives and I excitedly walk out to my backyard garden. I turn on the hose and go from plant to plant, watering and inspecting each one. I marvel at each new leaf and ripening fruit. I look over my garden closely multiple times a day, just for the sheer happiness it brings me. I know every branch, every plant. There is something so deeply satisfying about growing things and nourishing my family with my garden’s abundance. Now…my garden is not what one would call beautiful. The soil where I live is hard clay, not well-suited to growing much of anything; therefore, I grow entirely in planters, pots and repurposed containers. To the casual observer, it’s a hodgepodge of pallet planters, dollar store buckets and grow bags…not exactly what comes to mind when you think of a well-appointed garden. Plus, I am occasionally surprised by plants sprouting from seeds I didn’t necessarily plant that year. It rarely goes to plan. Yet, so much care and intent lies within my little utilitarian garden. It would be so easy to just water my garden and walk away, onto the next thing requiring my attention. But if I did that, I would miss each tomato blushing and each carrot sprouting. I would miss the wonder of watching my plants grow from seeds into thriving plants, filled with fruits and vegetables. The proof is in the harvest; we grow an abundance of produce in this small, chaotic backyard garden through spring, summer and fall. My life is a lot like this garden. As the mother of young children, my life is chaotic and to the outsider, it looks like a hodgepodge of interruptions, conflicting schedules, and things often not going according to plan. Homework struggles and activities fill our weeknights, making me feel like a lot of the lessons I’m trying to teach my children are falling on hard soil. Held up against a standard of a “beautifully-cultivated life” we are certainly failing. Thankfully, visual perfection isn’t what I’m trying to grow: what I’m trying to grow in our lives is joy. Joy in my life is cultivated in countless small moments as they pop up organically, not according to some grandiose plan. That said, I grab onto the joyful moments and remain present and mindful as they happen, even when they’re fleeting. Much like with my garden, I tend to my life. When my children arrive home from school, I could just grab them a snack and rush back to my work. Instead, I take a few moments to hear about their day, look at work they are proud of and listen to them. I watch my kids dance in the summer rain, as they get dirty and run with the neighbor kids in unscheduled play. I grab onto the moments of joy in my everyday life when they arise, and hold on tight, just as I do when I tend to my garden. So, I’m not failing at all. Though my life looks chaotic to many, it's not built to be conventionally beautiful; it’s designed to provide an environment that nurtures joy. I plant and cultivate joy in my life all year long, every chance I get. And because in life–as in the garden–you reap what you sow, we live with an abundance of joy.
0 Comments
Once when I was at a social gathering, I found myself in casual conversation with someone I didn’t really know. Somehow we got on the topic of anime and I excitedly expressed my appreciation of it. Next thing I knew, I was being intensely pummeled with questions that were getting increasingly obscure. After I had proved my anime knowledge and I was deemed a “real fan” and not “fake fan”, I had earned enough of his respect to be worthy of a casual conversation about anime. I had encountered a Gatekeeper in the wild.
A Gatekeeper is a person or thing that controls access to something. In a business setting, s/he is usually an assistant; to get to the boss, you have to go through the assistant first. The gatekeeper keeps things organized, running smoothly, and makes sure the boss isn’t troubled by things they don't need to deal with. If the assistant can handle it, they do, so the boss can focus on other things. Some things are not worthy of the boss's time. In slang terms, a Gatekeeper is usually someone in a fandom who is an expert with a big helping of ego on the side. They believe that unless someone achieves a certain level of knowledge about that fandom, they are “fake fans” and not worthy to participate in the fandom. In their arrogance, they control access to the fandom by mocking people and making them feel inferior and unwelcome in fandom spaces. The self-appointed Gatekeeper feels like they have a duty to make sure someone is “worthy” before they are allowed to participate in the fandom. You have to follow certain rules, know a decent amount about the fandom, and meet the social expectations that this Gatekeeper has decided are important. I realized the other night that members of the Church believe themselves to be the Gatekeepers of God. To be crystal clear, when I say “Church” I mean pastors, leaders, teachers, ministers, and anyone who professes to follow God. I do not mean a building. I do not mean the church down the road. I mean people. If you don’t adhere to the Church’s “standards” then you are not a “real Christian”. You will either be asked to leave your place of worship, step down from ministry, or made to feel so uncomfortable, you just leave on your own. You want to hang out with us at our place of worship to learn more about God? Let’s check your credentials first: Are you anything other than straight? Are you a person of color? Are you divorced? Are you living with your partner before marriage? Are you a single parent? Are you baptized? No, not that way; our way. Do you display the gifts of the Spirit? Do you even study your Bible? When did you get saved? Do you volunteer? Are you tithing? Do you drink? Do you smoke? Is that how you always dress? These are Gatekeeper-type questions. If you don’t answer these the way the Gatekeeper decides is right, you are clearly a “fake Christian” or “worldly”. Expect to be made to feel uncomfortable really quickly, and that’s if you are lucky. You may get refused baptism, even though you want it. They might not marry you. You might not be allowed to dedicate your children. You may be barred from serving and helping. You may not be allowed in small Bible study groups. You may not be allowed to use your God-given gifts. The Gatekeepers will limit your ability to experience God and growth in your relationship with Him within a community. The real question is this: Does God need Gatekeepers? Did he ask the Church to be His Gatekeepers and to only allow the “worthy” to come to Him? Let’s go see what Jesus said and did. Luke 18: 9-17 Now He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and began praying this in regard to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, crooked, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to raise his eyes toward heaven, but was beating his chest, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other one; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” Now they were bringing even their babies to Him so that He would touch them; but when the disciples saw it, they began rebuking them. But Jesus called for the little ones, saying, “Allow the children to come to Me, and do not forbid them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” Luke 9:49-50 John answered and said, “Master, we saw someone casting out demons in Your name; and we tried to prevent him, because he does not follow along with us.” But Jesus said to him, “Do not hinder him; for the one who is not against you is [x]for you.” Luke 7:36-50Now one of the Pharisees was requesting Him to eat with him, and He entered the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. And there was a woman in the city who was a sinner; and when she learned that He was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume, and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and she wiped them with the hair of her head, and began kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume. Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner!” And Jesus responded and said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he replied, “Say it, Teacher.” “A moneylender had two debtors: the one owed five hundred denarii, and the other, fifty. When they were unable to repay, he canceled the debts of both. So which of them will love him more?” Simon answered and said, “I assume the one for whom he canceled the greater debt.” And He said to him, “You have judged correctly.” And turning toward the woman, He said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave Me no kiss; but she has not stopped kissing My feet since the time I came in. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with perfume. For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but the one who is forgiven little, loves little.” And He said to her, “Your sins have been forgiven.” And then those who were reclining at the table with Him began saying to themselves, “Who is this man who even forgives sins?” And He said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” Luke 18:35-43 Now as Jesus was approaching Jericho, a man who was blind was sitting by the road, begging. But when he heard a crowd going by, he began inquiring what this was. They told him that Jesus of Nazareth was passing by. And he called out, saying, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Those who led the way were sternly telling him to be quiet; but he kept crying out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” And Jesus stopped and commanded that he be brought to Him; and when he came near, He asked him, “What do you want Me to do for you?” And he said, “Lord, I want to regain my sight!” And Jesus said to him, “Regain your sight; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he regained his sight and began following Him, glorifying God; and when all the people saw it, they gave praise to God. These are only a small number of verses on this subject. I could go on and on about how Jesus made Himself accessible to all people, even though other people tried to prevent that or questioned his choices. He constantly welcomed the sick to come to Him for healing, and women and children (deemed lesser in this time and culture) were encouraged to come to Him. He regularly sought out the hated and shunned people to spend time with them. Jesus did not allow anyone to Gatekeep Him. He did not allow His disciples or the religious leaders to decide if people were worthy of His fellowship and presence. If you have ever done the following, you are acting like a Gatekeeper for God: If you have ever sat in a private leadership meeting where you decide to ask someone in the congregation to leave the church because they are gay. If you have refused to baptize someone because you don’t think they are holy enough or because they are living in a way you don’t approve of. If you have refused to marry a couple because they had premarital sex and you just “can’t condone that lifestyle”. If you have ever gossiped about a woman and ostracized her based on her clothing or how she presents herself. If you have ever asked someone to leave your Bible study because they don’t go to your church and aren’t even tithing at your church. If you do not allow people who are divorced and remarried to mentor young couples. If you don’t allow women to use their God-given gifts to their full capacity. If you don’t allow people on the worship team who don’t fit the “image” of your church regardless of talent level. If you have only leadership sit in the front row at church and expect the leaders to be respected more than other people. If you have ever tried to get someone to conform to the culture of your specific church in the way they dress, talk, and/or conduct themselves. If—when a transgender person wants to find Jesus—your first order of business is to tell them they have to de-transition because their way of living dishonors God. I have seen every one of these things happen with my own eyes. Every one of them. In every instance it was hurtful, causing the victim to question who God really is (because His followers speak for Him…right?) and separated them from fellowship and learning how to build an authentic relationship with God. This is the polar opposite of what Jesus did while he was on earth. This is excluding behavior, not inclusive behavior. The heart of it is this: If you are doing anything to block someone’s access to God or fellowship, you are being a Gatekeeper. JESUS NEVER ASKED YOU TO DO THAT. If Jesus Himself didn’t allow anyone to Gatekeep Him what makes you think He wants you to do that now? God is not some fragile creature who needs protection from anything. He wants everyone to come to Him...even the ones you don’t think are worthy based on your arrogant and self-righteous viewpoint. Things Jesus told us:
Jesus did not tell us to Gatekeep Him. A year ago on March 6th, 2020 it was a Friday. It was my last "normal" weekend of work. I was a server at a lovely family owned farm to table restaurant that prides itself on its great service. I worked Friday - Monday as a "weekend warrior". I loved my job and my coworkers. I have nothing noteworthy from that weekend of work, except to comment on its normalcy. I goofed around with my coworkers. I put candles in desserts for guests. I opened a million bottles of wine. We probably served about 250 people Saturday night. Covid was a topic of conversation amongst the staff, but no one seemed overly concerned. Suddenly, on Tuesday the 12th, the world blew up. Chaos was starting to happen and it was happening fast. Schools were shutting down and talking about it being "just for a few weeks". People who had the ability to work from home were sent home to do so. This was one of the longest weeks of my life. On Wednesday Amelie's preschool closed. Thursday Caleb's elementary school closed. Friday I went to the dollar store to get $40 worth of craft supplies because I had a feeling this would go longer than expected and these kids needed stuff to do. Every morning that week I would wake up and pour over the news. High stress. High alert. And getting worse. A generalized feeling of dread and stress just settled onto me. The insomnia, that still continues to plague me, began. Friday the 13th I went to work completely freaked out. I am not generally overly concerned about germs, but I suddenly understood why people are. They had made a whole bunch of new safety protocols and changes. My restaurant smelled like bleach. My coworkers and I were not touching each other or getting to close to each other. Reservations were cancelling at an insane pace. We went from over 200 covers to about 60 within a few hours. It was like living in some crazy alternate reality. I got called out of work for Saturday, they just didn't need me. So I took stock of my fridge, freezer and pantry and hit the store. Thankfully, this was a few days before everyone was panic buying. However, I also didn't know what was to come, so looking back there was a few more things I wish I had picked up. You know, like hand sanitizer. Have you ever had to hunt through your house to find the little free hand sanitizer bottles that you got at the fair? Yeah. I have. But I digress. It would be months before we could even get any that weren't trial size and even those were near impossible to find. I went to work Sunday. I had no idea it would be my last day of work. I was a million times more freaked out than I was on Friday. I felt like I was vibrating and hypervigilant. Everyone was afraid to go near each other. It was surreal. Staff who would normally cluster together were far away from each other. Disinfectant permeated everything. I was afraid to touch my guest's items on the table. It was absolutely the most stressful day I've ever had at any job. I came home from work beside myself and exhausted. The next morning the governor of NJ would declare that all restaurants must close down by 9pm. My restaurant just didn't bother to open that day. And thus began lockdown in New Jersey. That's when the panic buying started. Rumors that there would be no food shipments or that grocery stores would close down were running rampant. A huge chunk of our population just got laid off. So people were stocking up as much as they could. People also took advantage, of course, and stockpiled things like toilet paper and sanitizer just to mark it way up to sell and make a profit. Stores had to start limiting how much people could buy so there was enough to go around. People were bartering with neighbors for toilet paper rolls because there was none to buy. OMG the toilet paper shortage. It's one of those things you don't think about until you cant get any more. People were getting sick at an alarming rate. Central and northern New Jersey has a huge commuter population going to New York City. New York city was BAD. So naturally, the virus got down here very fast. New York and New Jersey were hit hard and fast and people were dying fast because no one knew how to fight this thing. People were dying in their homes from heart attacks and strokes because they were terrified of going to the hospital. So they died instead of risking getting Covid. Every morning brought new images of things like field hospitals set up in parks and convention centers. Refrigerated semi trucks were parked outside hospitals to hold the dead bodies. I'll never forget that image. Every day on my Facebook feed someone lost someone they knew. All Hell was breaking loose and every day was worse. I started feeling like I was living on some alternate reality. Other places in the US were barely being grazed by Covid and it was pretty much business as usual. Watching normalcy on my Facebook feed in other parts of the US while my region of the US was bleeding out was surreal. At first, my work friends and other friends would get on zoom calls just to hang out. After a few months, these stopped. Everyone became very insular and just needed to focus on themselves and their family. Everyone crawled into their caves. My husband worked though everything safely, thankfully, but I was home with the kids. My kids who got ripped out of school and their whole world changed. It was on me to make a sense of normalcy and find joy. At the time even the playgrounds were shut down because they thought it was spread on surfaces. So I sucked it up, and tried to make things good for my kids. What else can you do? We played in open fields away from people. We hung out on our front lawn playing with the neighbors cats and chatting with neighbors from a distance. We made the backyard fun, and began the most epic garden I've ever made. We did crafts. We played video games. Caleb made a best friend on Fortnite who would literally carry him through the spring and summer. They played online every day together. I'll never forget the first pandemic grocery store trip. There was no mask mandate yet. As a matter of fact they were telling healthy people NOT to wear them. We had our hand sanitizer in our pockets and we were steeled and ready to go. It was overwhelming. At the time it was believed that every surface could possibly infect you with Covid so you didn't touch anything unless you were putting it in your cart. Then sanitize your hands immediately. The meat departments were picked clean. No frozen veggies to be found. Entire sections of Costco were empty. No pasta, no rice, no tomato sauce. The grocery stores would be picked clean like this for months. If the store could get product in, it was gone by early morning. For months, the only meat we could buy was frozen chicken and fresh ground beef, If we were lucky. The meat shortage didn't start to resolve till about June. The first time I bought a roast over the summer I felt like I won the lottery! Around April 8th a mask mandate was imposed. This was a very good and needed step but also quite problematic. Even our healthcare workers didn't have enough PPE. Healthcare workers were wearing garbage bags as PPE and reusing disposable masks for days. There were no masks to even buy if you were the general public. But yet, to get into a store we had to have a face covering. So, myself and anyone else with a sewing machine got to work. I dragged my sewing machine out of its 8 year slumber in the closet and found my supply bin. Never before has my craft hoarding been useful. There were NO craft stores open to get supplies because they were seen as "non essential". Thanks to my buying fabrics over the years "just because they were pretty" I had supplies. I found pipe cleaners for nose pieces. I sourced elastic from a crafty friend. I found a pattern I liked and began sewing in earnest almost every night for a while. I was giving them away to all my family and friends and people who needed them. I felt like it was something real I could do to keep them safe. I shipped masks all over the US. I did porch drop offs. I had people pick up off my porch as we waved at each other though my glass door. My first masks were rough and awkward, but they worked. Finally the craft stores opened in the summer and I got a bunch more fabric and better nose pieces and such. I will never be without these supplies again. To date I think I've made about 300 masks. Compared to my friends who did it as a business that's just a drop in the bucket, but I'm proud of that number. Every mask has potentially helped someone stay healthy.
Summer of 2020 was pretty good. Numbers were going down so the utter sense of dread and impending doom was fading. We thought this might be over by September. We spent days at the beach with one of our good friends. We went to parks and played and had playdates with one family we were close with. Since we could go outside it opened up a lot more adventures for me and the kids. I would have a friend over occasionally for a 8 foot away front yard chat date. We learned to slow down our life pace and enjoy just being instead of living the crazy pace we had pre Covid. We stayed safe. Our bubble was small. But we enjoyed our summer as best we could. Grocery stores started to look normal again, and one day I found hand sanitizer on a store shelf! Around July we decided to homeschool the kids for the 2020 - 2021 school year. Check out previous blog posts on that. Cases were not going down fast enough and things were not looking as good as we hoped. In the Fall, numbers started to rise as predicted, but this time we were ready. We already had a stockpile of food. I always have about a month of food on hand now in case we have to shelter in place and not leave the house. I'm not getting stuck like that ever again. Due to a death in the family, I had to fly to Vegas in the beginning of November. I cant explain to you how much I didn't want to do that. Thankfully, the other woman in my row flying out there was just as freaked out as I was so our space was nice and wiped down and she kept her mask on. I have always loved meeting new people and being in a crowd. Being in the airport though, that was the first time I had been around any crowd of people in 8 months. I was freaked. The trip was 100% worth it, bit it was also very, very stressful. So where am I now in life? Well, I'm homeschooling the kids and hoping I can send them back to school next year. Some days are easy, some days aren't. I am glad I decided to homeschool them though because they would have been back to school, back home a lot. I try to give myself and them a lot of grace every day. I cook a lot because we don't order out much and we don't eat in restaurants. I wear fuzzy pants every day and have no idea where my bras have gone. Lockdown life is second nature now. Masks and hand sanitizer live in my car. I still have insomnia, but I have this thing called Cove that is helping with that. 2020 was very different depending on where you were in the world, or even the US. I want to make this a space where you can share because we all have been though it. I know we are all feeling the anniversary coming. We need to talk about it. What is your 2020 story? I would love to hear it. One day in early March 2020, the restaurant where I was employed was shut down due to Covid. Sunday I was working, Monday, not. I didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye to my coworkers whom I genuinely enjoyed and was close to. We scrambled to make a Facebook group for us to stay connected. We had some zoom chats together. We texted and checked in on each other. It was a really hard adjustment for me to suddenly be ripped away from my friends, but I worked through it. I am a grown adult and have coping skills. It sucked though. I still miss hugging people i'm not related to.
A few days before the restaurants were shut down, schools were shut down. My kids went to school one day, and they next day they unexpectedly didn't. And honestly? I had no concrete information to tell them. Only that there was a dangerous virus and we needed to stay home to be safe. And we had no idea how long it would be. I had no way of contacting some of my kid's best school friends because they hadn't shared a class contact list with the parents. We also didn't see anyone for months, which is very weird because we are very social people. Essentially, my kids were taken away from their teachers that they loved, their friends, and the routine of life they were accustomed to. Then distance learning started which was also completely new for them. Distance learning was frustrating and annoying even though the teachers really did the best they could with the time they were given to sort it out. It seemed like everyone was freaking out about the kids "falling behind", and the kids were having a hard time. Their whole world was turned upside down. (Go ahead, sing Hamilton right here. I know I am) Everything was different and weird and scary. My kids weren't sleeping well (seems like this was/is a common thing). They were acting out. They also were troopers trying to adapt and roll with whatever happened. They really were doing their best. And now its September. And no matter what choice you made for school, it's not the same as it was last year. Schooling is going to be new and and adjustment and hard for the kids. Our kids have been though hell this year, I'm not going to sugar coat it. I mean, we all have, but kids don't have the same coping skills and emotional intelligence that adults do. So it comes to this: what are you going to do to help your kids? It's not the school's job, society's job, or anyone else's job to help your kids get through this in a healthy way. It's the parents job. Only you can do this. Where do you start though? I encourage you to research Social Emotional Learning. Kids learn how to communicate emotions, become resilient, learn self control, increase self esteem and learn to understand themselves and those around them. There are workbooks, games, journals and such to help your child. There is so much to choose from. I have actually incorporated it into our home school curriculum this year because I think its so critical right now. Caleb has 3 different activities he will be doing. Amelie will be doing one. Here are some resources I have found. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but its at least what we are using to help our kids. Centervention This website is great for all ages. You can subscribe and get an interactive game to play, or just use the huge amount of free options they have. Amelie (5) and Caleb (8) will start by doing the journal, and then maybe moving into the online game. Not sure yet. But lots of cool stuff in this site. Between Mom and Me Keepsake Journal This one is for Caleb and I to bond. Keep him talking and communicating and building trust between us. The kid needs stability so I'm here for it. The Big Life Journal From the website: "This *NEW* Big Life Journal - Daily Edition is a science-based journal that helps children grow resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy. The daily activities inside the journal help your child focus on encouraging, self-loving thoughts and wire their brain for growth mindset, resilience, confidence, gratitude, kindness, and self-love. " This will be Caleb's daily focus for his social emotional learning. I encourage you to meet your child where they are and try to help them. I know we are all burnt out on decision making, change, stress and pivoting. If you are feeling this way, imagine how your child feels. Frequently kids don't have the ability to even voice what going on with them emotionally. Help give them the words. Support them through this. If we prioritize our kids mental and emotional health right now, they can get through this even stronger than before. I hope some of this helps! Guys, your parent friends are not ok right now.
School boards across the country are making decisions about what to do about school this year. It's terrifying, honestly. There are so many phrases being thrown around and it can be really confusing knowing what the differences are and what your options are. I've also seen some parents terrified because they think that they are required to do whatever the school board decides. Let me make this abundantly clear: In the United States of America YOU decide what to do about your child's education. If you don't like what the school board has decided you can opt out. No penalties, no fuss. This if course depends on your family and job situation. Regardless, take back your power and realize that you make the decisions. What ARE the decisions though? I am by no means an expert, but I have done 4 kinds of schooling with my kids: Private school, Public School, Distance Learning and Homeschooling. So though I am not an expert, I have experience in all of these options. Lets break them down. Private School: School you pay for. Sometimes it can be religious. The actual instruction situation is similar to public school though if it's religious it will have religious instruction as well. Public School: School you don't have to pay for. Based on where you live. Distance Learning: Your child is enrolled in public or private school. They take attendance and the teachers organize and implement all curriculum. Frequently teachers teach via zoom or other video apps. Our school used google classroom and google slides with prerecorded video for instruction. May or may not involve worksheets or hand written work. This is assuming the school can get worksheets to you. Ours couldn't. Pro: The curriculum and teaching is handled by the teachers. Seamless transition back to "in building" school whenever that happens. Con: Kids of all ages have a very hard time sitting in video classes. The younger ones just don't learn very well that way, or sit still. The older kids could end up being on video instruction for 5+ hours and then still have homework in each class. The teaching style geared towards a classroom environment, not a home environment. Engagement is different. Hybrid Schedule: This goes by a lot of different names but is essentially some days in the school building and some days doing distance learning. Home schooling: Home school laws very state by state. If this is something you are considering I encourage you to investigate that situation. Basically you remove your child from their current school, usually by a letter explaining the intent to home school. You are now in control of your child's education. There are a lot of curriculum options. There is online based learning which uses cartoons and animations to teach. These usually have worksheets you can download and print. The website tracks your kid's tests and work so at the end of the year you have a printout of the whole year if your into that sort of thing. Then there is workbook based home school. This is what people usually envision when they think of home schooling: A parent sitting at the kitchen table with kiddo doing work. You can also do a hybrid of any of these things. When I home schooled previously we did online school, plus some workbooks. Pro: You are in control of your child's learning and schedule. It is individualized to your child. If they are struggling in a subject, you just don't move forward till they get it, if they are excelling in a subject, they can go as far as they want past "grade level". The teaching style is meant to be engaging in a home education setting. You can take days off whenever you like, you are in control of the holiday schedule. We used to take "perfect weather" days off instead of "snow days" off. Con: You have to provide the curriculum which generally isn't free. You have to engage with your child and be part of their learning (this can be a pro or a con). That means if you don't understand what they don't understand, you have to do the lesson yourself or find a friend to help! Un-schooling: This isn't being discussed as much but I want to touch on it. Un-schoolers believe in child led education. There is generally no curriculum. The kid is allowed to pursue their interests and passions. They learn though real life situations and exploring things they interested in. This option is generally for those parents who want to un-school for the duration of their child's schooling. Billie Eilish is a famous person who learned in this fashion. This post is by no means comprehensive. This is just meant to show the basic differences of the schooling types. Only you know whats best for your child and situation. I've just seen so many of my friends needing definition and clarity that I figured one post would be easier! If you are curious what we decided to do, I made a post here http://www.sonottired.com/blog/what-about-school. In the end, you do whats best for you and your family. I'm just here to help you feel empowered and understand your options better. You got this!!! Let's have a little chat about school.
OMG WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO??????????????????? You feeling that? We all are. New Jersey has just released some proposed guidelines for opening school back up. Nothing in it is particularly surprising, most of the protective measures are what's necessary. Here is an small idea of what we are dealing with. Face coverings for everyone including the kids if they wont stay 6 feet away from people. Desks 6 feet away and barriers between them. No shared school supplies. No reading circles. Possible split schedule (some days at school, some at home). Lots and lots of cleaning. Distance learning again if Covid cases spike. All necessary things. As my husband and I have been agonizing over what to do about school this year three things were of the utmost importance to us; Stability, emotional health and the kids being able to learn. Let's talk about stability first. If the kids are on a split schedule, it will be very disorienting knowing what day is what when they wake up. Eventually they would get the hang of it.....Until someone tests positive or Covid cases blow up again. Then they will be back home again for who knows how long. Its very uncertain and so many unknowns. So many things could change so quickly. No stability at all. Emotional Health is next, and is a big one. Its one of the main reasons why so may are pushing the schools to open back up again. The kids need to socialize. They need their friends and teachers. They need community. This is all very, very true! Amelie is going into kindergarten and she has been longing for the day she will ride the bus with her brother and go to big girl school. There is one big problem, that school environment that we want for her doesn't exist right now. I cant imagine being in a room full of people but being isolated at the same time. Not being able to go near anyone, being behind a barrier. And wearing a mask all day? My 8 year old struggled wearing one for an hour today. He's a stressed out kid and hes scared of catching the virus. The whole time he's in school he will be scared and stressed. For my kids, the scenario at school that is necessary will not be good for their emotional health. I want my kids to be able to learn. A stressed out, isolated kid wont learn. Our kids have been though a lot this year. So much. They have been troopers and rolled with it. The kids did the distance learning and adapted. I'm actually very proud of the way our elementary school got it together in such a short time. It was masterful and I thanked God every day for his teacher. It was her first year teaching, can you imagine? However, having home schooled one of my kids for 2 years before, I could see where it was lacking. This is by no fault of the teachers or schools. It's simply that they teach in a way meant for classroom engagement. Home school curriculum teaches in a way meant for individual home engagement. Once we are able to finally identify our actual concerns and hopes for the year, we were finally able to make a choice. We will be pulling our kids out of school for the year and homeschooling them. They will have stability, they will learn, and now I just have to find a family or 2 who want to have a play date every week. We can add them to our "safe" bubble. I'm also removing us from the school system to enable the school to do what it needs to for the kids who will be going back this year. Less kids mean less juggling and hopefully more resources available to the kids who have to go back. I love our school system. I love our school. My kids will go back, just not this coming year. Some parents don't have any choice but to send their kids back to school. I want to help their kids be successful too. I am mourning my daughter not getting on the bus for the first day of kindergarten. I'm mourning that my 8 year old wont start an instrument this year. I'm mourning what should have been. And yet, I have peace finally. Our decision is not for everyone. And it doesn't have to be. You do you. I am not in your shoes and there is literally no judgement being tossed in anyone's direction. As parents, we are all struggling right now. Every one of us. We can only do what is best for our family. You are the best advocate your child has. I also want you to know that you are the boss. You make the choices. This is the United States and homeschooling is not illegal. Different states just have different laws. New Jersey happens to be awesome, they basically don't care what you do. If you need to talk it out or it seems scary and daunting, i'm happy to have a chat. I wrote this post because every parent I know is internally screaming right now. No option is good. They all have flaws. There is nothing worse than choosing the best choice out of bad choices. I wanted you to know you are not alone. We are all there. Let's be supportive and help each other as best we can. We got this. The rhetoric of exclusion is exhausting me.
STANDS ON A SOAPBOX *You can be in support of helping refugees WHILE ALSO be in support of helping our veterans in the US. * *You can be in support of black lives matter WHILE ALSO being against anyone getting murdered or discriminated against. * *You can believe in body autonomy and making your own medical choices WHILE ALSO wearing a mask and socially distancing so you don’t infect yourself or other people Covid. * *You can be in support of, or you yourself be, LGBTQ AND ALSO have a living breathing relationship with God. * THESE THINGS ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. Just because we are talking about one issue, doesn’t mean the others don’t matter. They matter too. And we will get to them. But right now? Black lives matter. My black brothers and sisters just want to live without being profiled, abused, and murdered. So I’m going to keep shouting about it. #BLM #BlackLivesMatter When the pandemic hit, my first thought was “how can I help my friends and family be safe?” As masks become a requirement to enter into stores the answer was obvious. Use my skills and horde of sewing supplies to make masks. Like any proper DIYer I searched online for a tutorial. There were so many options and patterns. As I watched these tutorials I noticed one thing, they had such fancy and nice equipment! Sewing machines that cut your thread and roll your seam and even make you breakfast. Me and my simple machine figured it out ourselves. I adapted a pattern and adjusted. I taught myself how to sew years ago, and I’m probably not even doing it right. I’m definitely not a professional and I have the most bare bones sewing machine that exists. Behold! Isn’t she pretty? She’s simple, but she gets it done. She’s 16 years old. I love her. So here is a simple tutorial without “sewing speak”. I’ve split up the videos so there is one video per step. It was super annoying when I kept having to go back in a 15 min long video just to see one particular step again. So I wanted to save you from that. These are pleated masks, with a nose wire and a pocket to put in a filter if you like. This is what they look like on. Enough of the chatting! Let’s get to it! 16 inch x 8 inch piece of cotton fabric. I made a template out of cardboard from my recycling pile. That way I didn’t have to keep measuring. Highly recommend. 5.5 inch piece of pipe cleaner. If you don’t have pipe cleaners you can use a bread tie or not use the nose piece at all. Two 7.5 inch pieces of elastic. (Men tend to need 8 to 8.5 inches) Now this may be variable depending on the elastic you have. You have to feel this one out. If you don’t have elastic you can use long pieces of ribbon and tie on the head. ruler of some sort pins scissors STEP ONE Cut your fabric. Do I really need to tell you this? I didn’t think so. You certainly don’t need a video of it. So go do that. I’ll wait for you. STEP 2 Put your fabric wrong side facing you. Take the short ends and fold them over twice to make a seam. It’s video time! See that pretty seam? Do it on both short sides. You got this. STEP 3 Fold the fabric, wrong side facing you, so that the seams line up nicely on top. Measure 1.5 inches on both sides and pin to mark the spot. You are doing great!! STEP 4 Sew from the outside toward the pin, stopping at the pin. Do that on both sides. Do not sew over your pin. It does not end well. Ask me how I know that. STEP 5 It’s starting to become something! Now make it so the seam is on the bottom. Fold the fabric in such a way that when you open the hole.... flaps (I have no idea what to call those) they are just at the bottom of the fabric. Ok, you really need a video for this. That sounds confusing. Ok, that was tricky!! STEP 6 It’s elastic time! Shove your elastic in there with only the end peeking out. Do this on the top and bottom on both sides. Pin that stuff because it likes to move. STEP 7 Sew straight down both sides while reinforcing the spots that have elastic. Make sure you keep the hole flaps in the open position. Again, don’t sew over your pins! STEP 8 You have made it to the easiest step!! Turn it inside out!! Or really right side in I suppose. Jam your fingers or a pencil into the corners to make sure they look nice. At this point, if the mask is for you, put it on. It should be a tiny bit loose but still fit you nicely. If it’s for another family member, chase them around the house, tackle them, and stick the mask on them. All set? Next step! STEP 9 Take the mask off the face it’s inhabiting. Obviously. Now we are going to sew in the nose piece. Center the pipe cleaner over the top of the mask to see where you need to sew. Sew about 1/4 inch down. Stop your machine with the needle in the fabric to hold your spot and make a nice corner. Shove the pipe cleaner in through the hole and stick one end of it right where you just sewed. Line the pipe cleaner up along the top of the mask. Sew along the pipe cleaner. Once you get past the end of the pipe cleaner do another nice corner and sew up to the top. Do not sew the pipe cleaner itself, you will mess up your needle. STEP 10 I hate this step. Pleats suck. But let’s do this. I’m not even going to try to explain this nonsense. Make sure you pin away from the edges because leaving the pins in while you sew is easier. Just watch. LAST FREAKING STEP Sew down both sides securing the pleats. You just did it! Look at that fancy mask you just made! It’s got a pocket for a filter and everything!!!
I hope this was helpful! If you do this, send me pictures!! I want to see :). All things considered, we are doing great over here in my house. That sounds crazy right? But it's true.
*I'm laid off, but have unemployment. *Hubby is still working but with very little outside contact. *I've home schooled before, so I'm comfortable with it. Plus since I'm laid off, I have undivided time to school the kiddos. *My kids are doing really well with everything (except for the little guys fighting all the time) *We are all healthy *We have food *We are enjoying the slower pace of life, it was way too fast before If you could have told me in December that this is what life would look like in April I would have never believed it. Never. And yet here we are. Handling it. Dealing with things we never could have fathomed. You probably find yourself in uncharted territory as well. *Medical staff are dealing with sickness and death on an insane level with low supplies. *I have friends who have gone back to nursing, after leaving it, just to be a help right now. *I have a friend who is being transferred from a doctors office to a hospital in order to assist. *Myself and friends are burrowing into our stashes of fabric and sourcing elastic to make masks to keep people safe. *People are working from home . *People are homeschooling their kids. *There is loss of jobs and income. *People are dealing with loved ones dying without even being able to have a proper funeral or say goodbye. You find yourself in a position you never thought you could ever possibly handle. I will tell you this: YOU CAN DO THIS. You know why? Because you have to. You never know what you are capable of until you are thrown into the fire. When your choices are burn or figure out a way to get through it, most of us just get through it somehow. Sometimes we don't even realize how strong we were until it's over and you look back and the train wreck you just got out of. Just do the next right thing. Take it day by day, or even moment by moment if that's where you are. You will come out the other side of this. You will look back one day, still a little singed by the fire, smelling like smoke, covered in ashes and know you made it though. Just do the next right thing and you will make it. One moment at a time. My life and schedule is bonkers. It's totally over scheduled with no feasible way to slow down. A short list of my life: Driving kids everywhere, dance class, acting responsibilities, preschool, homework, my job, cleaning, cooking, shopping, errands, church responsibilities, not enough sleep, always somewhere we have to be..... it's an exhausting pace. I have no time for hobbies or those things that make my heart happy. We literally do not have one day a week that nothing was planned. I'm tired just typing it all out. I'm sure a lot of people relate in our country. Is the cultural normal to live like this. A frenzied pace where nothing gets our full attention. Spread way too thin, but not knowing how to change it. And then, we were forced to stop. The Corona Virus hit. I got laid off, my kids' schools are all closed. All activities were cancelled. We aren't having play dates, we are isolating ourselves. The entire country at this point is homeschooling their kids and either working from home, not working, or going to work completely stressed about getting exposed. The whole country at this point was forced to just STOP. Stop everything. As Americans we are relearning how to be still. Teaching our kids. We are cooking more (or just learning how to cook for the first time!). We are spending family time together, working on home projects, giving our hobbies attention. We are appreciating things we used to take for granted. I'm hoping once this is all over and our society gets up and moving again, a few things are different. I hope we are closer to our families. I hope we realize how amazing our teachers are. They are all worried about your kids right now and doing everything they can to help them and make this experience easier for them. I hope we slow the heck down as a whole society. I hope that the stigma of homeschooling is gone. Experienced home schooling parents are the rock stars right now. They are all sharing their information, links and tips and helping their overwhelmed friends. They are freely helping and encouraging those same friends who judged their choice to home school previously. I hope everyone has learned how to properly wash their hands. Like seriously. I hope people have picked up the things that give them joy. Gardening, writing, music, art, crafts, creating just to make your heart happy. I hope we have a better sense of community. We had become so isolated. Now I see people offering to pick items up for their neighbors when they venture out to the store. People caring for the elderly and frail. Everyone is banding together to try to keep everyone safe. It warms my heart. It's how it should be. Let's come out of this as a better society, everyone. |
AuthorI'm so tired. The children are so not tired. |